Never Trust a Woman
by Parchipexx
Summary: Fujiko will do whatever it takes and double-cross anyone in her path when she's got her eyes on a prize. Rated for some language, etc. Written in 2005.
1. Chapter 1

None of her friends or associates knew this, but Fujiko Mine had a side job as a stripper. She did it whenever there was a lull between heists and she wanted to keep a steady flow of cash coming in and have fun at the same time.

The Gold Club, located in the middle of the city, was well-known. Fujiko had worked there on and off for a couple of years now. She'd started out as a weekday afternoon dancer, but thanks to her sexy dance skills, had quickly moved up through the ranks and was now a weekend dancer on the night shift. The weekend night shifts were the club's busiest time and Fujiko would dance for hours at a time, with occasional fifteen minute breaks to rest and change costume.

Fujiko was a favorite of many of the regulars that came to the club. The "regulars" were the men who were there pretty much every weekend. These men were usually middle-aged or older, divorced, and were "rediscovering" the fun single lifestyle. The best part about the middle-aged men was that they were usually a bit more respectful than the younger ones, and they had more money to give as tips.

On one particular Friday evening, Fujiko was in the dressing room getting ready for the evening's shift. She wore four inch clear acrylic heels and a sequined hot pink string bikini. She was putting on her lipstick when the manager knocked and opened the door.

"Hey, Fuji, it's Mike Duff's birthday and he's got a private room with his buddies. He requested you specifically. You able to do it or do you got another private tonight?"

Fujiko glanced at him from the mirror. "I can do it."

"Thanks, babe." The manager left.

Fujiko put her lipstick back in her cosmetics bag and left the dressing room. Mike Duff had told her last week he'd be here for his fifty-third birthday with some friends.

"Room Two," said the manager. "Knock 'em dead, girl!"

"Thanks," said Fujiko with a smile, and knocked on Room Two's door.

"Hey there, Birthday Boy," Fujiko purred as she stepped into the darkened room.

"Fujiko, darling, you look beautiful." Mike patted his lap and Fujiko took a seat.

"Happy Birthday, Sweetheart," Fujiko said seductively.

"Oh, yes," said Mike. "And allow me to introduce you to my friends. This is-"

"_Fujiko?_ Is that you?" said a familiar voice.

Fujiko looked across the table. "Lupin? Jigen? _Goemon?_ What are you guys doing here?"

"We're, ah, working on a deal here with Mike," said Lupin, winking and nodding towards the man whose lap Fujiko was sitting in. "Our next heist."

"What? You're planning something without me?" Fujiko said, sounding hurt.

"We tried to find you, but you weren't around!" said Lupin, adding, "Now of course we know what you do when you're gone for weeks at a time."

"You'd just betray us again anyway," said Jigen, laughing as he lit a cigarette. "Remember last time?"

"Hmph," said Fujiko, and turned towards Mike.

"Miiike," she play-whined, gazing into his eyes, "They're not being very nice to me!"

"Ahh, Fujibabe, it's all right. Come, sit with us, have a drink." He grinned. "You can dance for me later, after they leave."

"Some champagne, please, madame," said Lupin, passing her the menu. Sighing, Fujiko left and came back. After a few rounds of drinks, a cake was brought in, and Fujiko and two of her coworkers sang "Happy Birthday" to Mike. Lupin and Jigen left the room with the other two dancers (Goemon mumbled something about needing fresh air and left the club through the back door) and Fujiko was alone with Mike.

"I'll give you the birthday special," she promised, feeling relieved that she wouldn't have to dance in front of Lupin and Jigen. Still, it annoyed her that they had found out about her secret job. She'd never hear the end of this!

As she danced and got Mike more drunk, she tried to get the details of the heist he was planning.

"So tell me about this _deal_ you're working on with Lupin and the others," she said casually, wiggling her bottom on Mike's lap.

"Oh, I don't know, Fuji, I'm trying to keep all that…quiet. I don't even know if I'm going to work with them yet."

Fujiko turned in Mike's lap to face him, grinding up against him. "Oh, but I'm just _dying_ to know. It sounds _so interesting._" She placed her hands on his shoulders and raised herself higher. Her ample cleavage was right under Mike's nose, and he stared down at it with a silly grin.

"Ah…don't want to mix business with pleasure…"

"But you already have, if you invited them to your birthday party," said Fujiko, rotating her hips against Mike's torso. "I normally work with them all the time. I don't understand why they would leave me out." Fujiko pouted her lips. "Please, baby. I'm just curious."

Mike giggled, red in the face, and reached for his champagne glass. Fujiko smiled. She herself had only had two glasses. It was against work policy to get too drunk ever since one of the dancers had hurt herself when she stumbled off stage during a pole dance, and another had thrown up all over a patron. So Fujiko had a reasonably clear head and Mike was basically trashed.

"Ah, all right, babes," said Mike. "I met up with those guys because I want them to help me rob the city bank."

"The bank?" Fujiko blinked. Lupin and the others hadn't bothered robbing a bank in a long time.

"Yeah, my ex-wife has a safety deposit box with a couple of family jewels in it. A few rubies, a sapphire, and a diamond. I'm sure your guys are used to more…uh…_lucrative_ heists, but I wanted professionals to help me with this job. Sandy –that's my ex-wife- never checks that safety deposit box. For all I know, she's forgotten that there's even jewels in there. But if I can steal them and sell them, I'll get back some of the money she took from me in the divorce. Bitch even got the house." Mike sighed, suddenly bitter. "She came out of nowhere with those divorce papers. Fucked me over big time, and not in a good way."

"Oh, Mike, dear, don't worry about that stuff on your special day," Fujiko purred. "So that's all you're taking from the safety deposit box?"

"Yeah, well, that's all I know of in there that's got any value. Could be more things, I don't know. But yeah, I'm gonna steal the jewels and sell them and get some money back so I can get out of that crappy hotel and get myself a decent apartment. Of course, I've never stolen anything before and I don't want to get caught like a stupid amateur, so I hired your friends to help. They'll get a cut of the profits as payment."

"I see," said Fujiko, thinking. She wished she was a part of this. It sounded ridiculously easy. The rubies especially would bring in a great deal of money. She smirked. If she did work with them, Fujiko would take the jewels for herself and run, keeping all the money.

"So you know those guys? You said you usually work with them?"

"Yes, I usually do. But they didn't ask me this time." Fujiko pouted again. She was about to try and persuade Mike to let her work with them when Lupin and Jigen came back into the room. Lupin was red in the face and laughing in the arms of the blond dancer he'd left with. Jigen was alone and less drunk.

"All right, Goemon says he's getting cold out there, so let's finish up this deal," said Jigen. He glared at Lupin, who continued laughing giddily until the dancer saw Jigen's face and left.

"Ah, Jigen, you're just mad because your stripper got bored and left you!" said Lupin. "You probably didn't even get a boner, you-"

"Lupin!" Jigen snapped, and Lupin dissolved into more giggles. Jigen sighed exasperatedly.

"You entertain him while I finish with Mike," Jigen told Fujiko. She obeyed and sat with Lupin, who was so drunk and horny that he was content to sit with his face in her cleavage while she stroked his hair and listened in on Jigen and Mike's conversation. It sounded like a very easy heist indeed, and a lucrative one.

"All right, so it's settled," said Jigen, standing up and shaking Mike's hand. "We'll see you next week. Come on, Lupin." He pulled Lupin up and left the private room.

Fujiko knew she had a chance before they left. "Will you excuse me?" she asked Mike, and left the club through the back door.

Jigen was coming around the corner with Lupin on his arm, who was singing loudly. They both stopped in front of Fujiko, who was standing with her arms crossed. Her bikini glittered under the street light.

"Heeey, it's Fujicakes," said Lupin, grinning.

"What do you want," said Jigen flatly. "Your tip?" He and Lupin both laughed at that.

"This deal. I want in." said Fujiko, getting right to the point.

"No way. You fucked up the last two because you wanted to double cross us. No way are you getting in on this one. This is going to be an easy, one-shot type of job and it's too good of an opportunity to let you ruin. Besides, I always like helping a man get back at the woman who scorned him," Jigen finished with a nasty smile. "Come on, Lupin." They turned toward the car. Fujiko stepped in front of them again.

"Give it up, Fujiko. You're not working with us on this one."

"Come on, guys, this isn't fair. We're a team. We work together on everything. You just don't want me to work with you because you know you won't get as much money if there's an extra person."

"No, we don't want to work with you because you're a backstabbing bitch," said Goemon suddenly, stepping out from the shadows. He opened the back car door and helped Jigen place Lupin, who was still singing and seemed oblivious to what was going on, inside on the back seat.

"No." Jigen growled. He got in the driver's seat and started the car. "Better get back in there and keep dancing, because you aren't getting any money from this job."

Suddenly, there was a yell from the backseat.

"WAIT!" Lupin yelled. "If Fujiko wants to work with us, let her work with us."

"Lupin, shut up," said Jigen. "You're drunk. Be quiet and go to sleep."

"No, no, Jigen," said Lupin. "Fujiko would be a very…_valuable_ part of our team." He beamed at Fujiko through his open car window. "I'll call you tomorrow, sweetheart!"

Jigen cursed and sped off. Lupin blew kisses to Fujiko out the window, who smiled and waved. She hoped Lupin would actually remember to call her, as drunk as he was.

The night air was chilly, and she shivered slightly in her sequined bikini before stepping back into the club.


	2. Chapter 2

Lupin did call her the next afternoon, and Fujiko was able to pry some very important pieces of information out of him. She learned that the woman whose safety deposit box they were going to steal from was a Ms. Sandra Duff of 45 West and Third Streets.

Later that evening Fujiko walked a few blocks over to West and Third Streets and found the row house numbered 45. She knocked on the door.

A woman older than she, but still very beautiful, answered the door. "May I help you?" she asked, and then an angry crease appeared in her brow as she looked Fujiko up and down. "Are you another one of those girls Mike slept with? One of his whores? Come to threaten me, have you?"

"What? No, of course not," said Fujiko quickly. I never slept with your husband, although I admit am a dancer at a club he frequented."

Ms. Duff's eyes narrowed. "Stripper, eh? What do you want?"

"I have something important to tell you. May I come in?" Fujiko knew that her charms worked on women as well as men. Lupin's reasoning for it was that everyone liked big boobs.

"Important?" Ms. Duff sighed. "Very well then, come on in." She stepped aside and led Fujiko to a small but cozy living room. She turned the television off and gestured to a couch. "Go ahead and sit down."

"Thank you." Fujiko sat down and crossed her ankles primly. "Ms. Duff, I may as well get right to the point. There's no easy way to say it. Your husband is planning to steal the jewels from your safety deposit box."

Ms. Duff gasped, and a pretty hand fluttered to her chest. "Those are my family heirlooms! I didn't even know that he knew I had those!"

Fujiko nodded. "Yes, I know. He wants to sell them and get money. He's angry and wants revenge because apparently you got the upper hand in the divorce, and now he's almost broke except for the money he makes at his job; but from what he tells me he's been spending most of that money at the Gold Club and on booze."

Ms. Duff shook her head, clasped her hands together, and sighed, staring up at the ceiling as though she were about to say a prayer. She looked back at Fujiko. "How do you know all this?"

"Last night was his birthday and he spent it at the club with some other men. They left with a couple of dancers, and while he was alone with me he told me everything. He was very drunk," Fujiko explained.

"What in the world…well…stranger things have happened, I suppose…still, you wouldn't expect someone you were married to for twenty-five years to steal from you. Although he was very upset and unbalanced while the divorce was going on. And all those nasty phone calls and threats from those young girls he slept with…" Ms. Duff shook her head. "I guess I should call the police." She reached for the phone.

"Wait," said Fujiko. "I have a better idea."

Ms. Duff looked warily at Fujiko. "And that is?"

Fujiko said, "It turns out that I know the men Mike has hired to steal your jewels. They all came to the club because they knew it was my night to work. They asked me to work with them to help them steal the jewels. But when I found out that Mike was planning to steal from his ex-wife, I refused. I mean, come on! That's no way to treat a woman you've shared a major part of your life with, even if you're divorced from her. I would never betray my own gender like that. So I turned down the job of working with them and…I've got a proposition. It's a bit childish, I suppose, but it'll be fun." Fujiko leaned closer to Ms. Duff and looked right into her eyes. "Go on down to the bank tomorrow and take your jewels out of the safety deposit box. Leave the rest to me."

Ms. Duff seemed a bit tense. "I…I don't know…"

"I know this is totally strange," said Fujiko. "But listen. I want to help you, woman to woman. You know, men say women are the evil ones, but they can be just as conniving and backstabbing when they want to." Fujiko smiled and cocked an eyebrow. "So what do you say?"

"How much should I pay you?"

"Not a dime," said Fujiko. "This is a favor, woman to woman."


	3. Chapter 3

Later that week, Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon were getting ready to sneak into the bank after hours and rob the safety deposit box. Fujiko was with them. She would wait in the car as the getaway driver.

Fujiko smirked as she saw the three men creeping into the bank. It wouldn't take long. Robbing banks and safety deposit boxes were as easy as buying milk and eggs for the experienced thieves.

She sat in the car and waited. After about twenty minutes she saw the three men returning.

"Come on, Fuji, let's go," said Lupin. He sounded disappointed.

"Where are the jewels?" asked Fujiko.

"There aren't any!" Lupin replied. "Or at least not in that particular box."

"What?" Fujiko cried in faux surprise.

"Yeah. At first we thought Mike had given us the wrong box number, so we checked all the nearby boxes, at least twenty of them." Lupin groaned. "What a waste of time."

"You didn't check all of the boxes?" Fujiko asked, surprised. That wasn't like Lupin.

"There's well over a hundred of them," said Lupin. "We'd already been in there too long and I wanted to get the hell out." He put a palm on his forehead. "There wasn't even anything worth taking in the other boxes we checked. Just yearbooks and stuff."

Fujiko drove them all back to their city apartment. All of them were silent. Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon were of course tired and irritated at their failed heist. Fujiko pretended to feel the same, but inside, she was dancing.

The next day the bank saw that several of the safety deposit boxes had been opened, but as they contacted the people who rented the boxes to come and look, they realized that nothing had been stolen.

"Most unusual indeed," said a bank representative to a reporter. "Why bother sneaking into a bank and opening some of them but not taking anything?"

Lupin and the others were laying low in their apartment. All were still in a bad mood. Fujiko was making coffee in the kitchen and could hear them talking.

"Do you think he lied to us?" said Lupin.

"I don't know, man. What if he's going to squeal on us and turn us in? What if that was his plan the whole time?"

"I guess it's a possibility but…he seemed so seedy! Hanging around at that strip club all the time…those drug deals…I mean…"

Fujiko smiled as she poured the coffee into their mugs.

"Coffee's ready, boys," said Fujiko, setting it down on the table. She sat down next to Lupin on the couch. "So what next? Do we contact Mike or just skip town?"

Lupin sighed, leaning back. "I guess we should just leave. We ought to have left last night, anyway, after not finding anything." The others nodded.

"All right then, I'll go back to my own apartment and pack my bags," said Fujiko. "And thanks for letting me work with you all on this job, boys." She stood in the doorway and winked.

Jigen snorted in disgust. "Yeah, right. You turned out to be a bad luck charm." When Fujiko left, he looked at Lupin.

"Does she really have to leave town with us? Can't we just leave her here? We could leave while she's gone."

"Now, Jigen, technically she _did_ work with us on this job," said Lupin. "Even if it was a total failure. Fair is fair."

Jigen muttered to himself as he went to gather his own things. "Fair is fair, huh? Well she doesn't think so, she's always backstabbing us, I mean seriously, what the hell…"

Meanwhile, Fujiko was back at Sandra Duff's row house.

"The jewels are safe," said Sandra, beaming. "Thank you so much for warning me. And…did you do what you needed to do?" Fujiko had not told Sandra exactly what else she was planning.

"Oh yes," Fujiko said sweetly. "Trust me, those boys aren't going to be robbing any bank for awhile." _At least, not that bank,_ she thought to herself.

"You didn't…_kill _anyone?" Sandra said.

"Oh, no, no, no," said Fujiko quickly. "I have…other ways."

Sandra nodded. "Maybe I should still contact the police."

"Oh, don't," Fujiko replied. "You wouldn't want to get mixed up with those types of men…what if they seek revenge on _you_ for telling the cops? No, it's best to just sweep this under the rug."

"Well then, good work," said Sandra, and she laughed. "You know, I feel like a sort of bad girl, pulling off something like this." She smiled devilishly at Fujiko.

"Oh, it feels good, doesn't it?" said Fujiko, smiling back. "Now you enjoy those family jewels." She stood up to leave.

"I will. I'll keep them in my home from now on," said Sandra enthusiastically.

"Be sure to keep them in a safe place," replied Fujiko.

"I know just the place- a box of flour in the kitchen! I know it's old fashioned, but that's just it. Today's modern thieves wouldn't think to look there." Privately, she was disappointed that Fujiko was leaving. She'd been so lonely these past few months while the divorce was being finalized, and she had few people to talk to. "And are you sure I don't have to pay you anything?"

"Quite sure," said Fujiko. "This was a favor for you, Mrs. Duff."

"Please, call me Sandra."

"This was a favor for you, Sandra." Fujiko winked, smiled, and left the house. Sandra watched the young woman walk down the driveway and get into her car. They waved at each other, and then Fujiko left.

Fujiko laughed out loud as she drove through the city to her own apartment. Tricking Sandra Duff had been _so easy!_ She'd tricked Lupin plenty of times before, that was easy enough once he got drunk, but she had never expected Sandra to be so willing and compliant.

Fujiko packed her bags and went to meet the men at their apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko all went to a different city about an hour away. After getting settled into a hotel, they were ready to relax for the evening and put thoughts of the failed heist behind them.

"I still can't believe you dance and strip as a side job," said Lupin over dinner.

Fujiko shrugged. "It's a good way to make more money and have fun at the same time." She didn't care so much that they knew now.

"So how about a lap dance after dinner? A free sample?" Lupin's eyes glittered mischievously.

"I don't think so," said Fujiko coolly, setting her glass down on the table. "I have a lot of things to do tonight."

"You're busy? But we have to lay low," said Lupin.

"Don't worry about that," said Fujiko. "Besides, when did you ever worry about getting caught, World's Greatest Theif?"

Lupin laughed at the flattery.

"You'd better not be planning to double cross us," said Jigen.

"Jigen, please. You worry too much. I can't double cross you now that the heist is over, can I? And there's no money to weasel out of Lupin," said Fujiko.

Jigen grunted in response and turned back to his food. Goemon, as usual, was silent.

Fujiko waited until the three men were asleep in their section of the small hotel room before slipping out. It was late and the night air was cool. She was dressed in a skintight black outfit.

She drove the hour's length back to the city they had started in, back to Sandra Duff's neighborhood.

Silent as a cat with cotton balls for feet, Fujiko slipped into the house and went into the kitchen. She stifled a laugh at how stupid Sandra had been for telling her exactly where she was hiding the jewels. She still would have been able to find and steal them without much trouble, but knowing where they were just made it that much easier. Creeping around with the flashlight, Fujiko opened cupboards and cabinets until she found what she was looking for. Stealing from houses, particularly the old ones in this city, had always been easy for Fujiko, especially when she was working alone. Robbing a bank was easy, too, but not without at least one other person to work with.

"Bingo," she breathed when she saw two large containers of flour. She placed them both into her bag, careful not to make any noise.

When she was done, she crawled back out the kitchen window with the broken lock and crept through several backyards until she reached her car. She drove to an out-of-the-way gas station that was closed, took her gloves off, and searched through the flour until she found the jewels she was looking for. Even coated in flour they glinted and shimmered in the orange glow of a streetlamp.

Fujiko laughed wickedly. "Thanks, dear Sandra," she said aloud. "You're helping me to buy my next fancy car!"

And she sped off back towards the other city, hiding the jewels in her suitcase. Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon never knew.

Even Sandra didn't realize she had been robbed until about a month and a half later when she was going through the cupboards for flour to make a cake. _I was sure I had flour in here,_ she thought. _Where on earth could it be? Did I run out and forget to buy some? But even if that's the case, where are the canisters?_ By the time she realized what must have happened, it was far too late to do anything about it.

Fujiko, meanwhile, laughed all the way to the bank. She got away with more double-crossing than Lupin realized.

"Never trust a woman," said Fujiko. "Even if you are one."


End file.
